these are my people!?
My friend Stephanie suggested we go together to check out a Jewish singles event on Wednesday. I haven’t done anything Jewish since 3rd grade. I’ve always been kind of curious about what it means to really be Jewish. I never seemed to connect with fellow Jews I met. I think I must have missed the secret Jewish handshake or something.
Maybe it’s because my mom is an Italian Jew. When we were bad as kids, my mom would swear at my brother and I in Italian (not Hebrew or Yiddish) . Italians like their pork. So I eat pork. No problemo. We rarely went to temple when I was growing up. It was probably too somber to appeal to my mom’s Italian celebratory sensibilities. Then there’s the food differential. Can liver pate and gifelte fish come close to competing with Italian cuisine? No way Jose.
Anyhow, I thought it could be kind of interesting to see what my people are like. Yes. I will go to this Jewish singles thing and steep myself knee deep in my people!
So I got there and surveyed the crowd and thought “these are my people!?”. Maybe I had the wrong place. Nope. It was the right place. Dang. These are my people? Uh, can I trade in for a new people? Look, you want to have pride in your people. You want to say “Gaze upon the majesty of my people!” Unfortunately this was like an awkward high school dance with a bunch of old fat people. Did I mention the bad music? And I don’t mean bad as in good. While dancing, the crowd instinctively formed a circle, perhaps as a subconscious signal to the DJ to play Hava Nagila. Luckily, the DJ didn’t play Hava Nagila.
June 11th, 2005 at 7:49 am
Oh my god, I have had similarly disappointing experiences in other contexts. For almost the entirety of my collegiate life, I would find myself at these ridiculous “women’s” gatherings, only to discover that I was (again) surrounded by an excruciatingly homogenous group of gold diggers, airheads, and ignoramuses. Since I didn’t have any interest in discussing diet, 90210, or the equally-airheaded so-called “men” that populated our sorry excuse for a college, I would always leave early. I finally stopped punishing myself & stopped attending these events. Calls for “sisterhood,” which I felt obligated to obey, simply led me to events premised on a fundamental misconception: that women had more in common with one another than they do with men. I don’t think so. I think the intra-group differences among women are more vast than those between men and women, and, depending on how you’re socialized and educated, the typical woman may not be your favorite consort.
Then again, I must add a bit of context. I went to school in Orange County, which I disparagingly refer to as the “Orange Curtain.” It’s hard to find a politically left-minded sould in that entire f’d up area. A lot of homophobia and sanctuaries full of holy-rollers.
Rant over.
June 11th, 2005 at 7:54 am
Post-script:
All that is not to say that the “typical woman” is an air-head, gold digger, etc. I do not think that in the least. But I had to leave OC and go to places like SF and grad school to find women I really dug.
June 12th, 2005 at 6:44 pm
Speaking of Orange County, I discovered the Anti-Mall while down on a job in Costa Mesa. What an awesome spot! It makes me think Orange County is super cool. See http://www.mouseplanet.com/chris/cj091500.htm for more…
June 13th, 2005 at 5:34 pm
That is very interesting Eli because I have actually had a totally different experience. I was raised by a Jewish woman who thought she was Italian (Her: “when I was in Rome they thought my Italian was so perfect they thought I was ashamed of my heritage when I told them I was an American! Eventually I just started saying I’m from Rome.” This is a long paranthetical thought. Some might say I should have just made it another paragraph.) and would nag to me in Italian. I was raised Christian and didn’t even know I was Jewish until I moved to LA and befriended a bunch of people who went to Brandeis. Sorry, a bunch of Jews. I fit in with them so well, I never fit in with an entire group of people before. I’ve also never used the phrase “fit in” to describe anything past 8th grade. But I just felt at home, I guess. And then I realized, hey these are my people! I think I’m a Jew! And then I did some checking and it turns out, yup, I’m a real Jew. 100%. However it’s not the religion I feel an affinity for, it’s the culture. Of course I’ve never speed dated so maybe if I was around a bunch of Jews that I had to speak to very quickly I may feel differently.
June 14th, 2005 at 9:16 am
I’m not exactly Jewish, more like Jew-washed. I grew up in the Valley in LA… it was like 3 million Jews and me… technically I guess I’m some sort of Christian… but after 900 bar and bat mitzvahs, countless passover dinners, and a strange sense of guilt for not going to temple on the high holidays I think I’ve earned the right to call them “my people” as well - and I gotta tell ya, they’re (we’re?) not all bad.
June 14th, 2005 at 4:58 pm
Jew-washed! Now that’s hilarious. Right up there with “procrasticleaning” and “mealjacked”. Definitely adding that to my lexicon.
Natasha, what about our culture did you groove on? Was it the obsession with guilt or the complaining? I do like to complain. I mean, look, I created this whole blog to complain. And I even complain about myself in here. Am I good at complaining, or what!?
June 14th, 2005 at 6:15 pm
what about our culture? Hmm, how do I stereotype, let me count the ways…
we’re funny!
we don’t think I’m so weird because we’re like me!
we’re funny!
we have insane narcissitic control freak mothers we can comiserate about!
we’re funny!
Please don’t send the anti-semite police after me. I have lots of good friends who are Jews! I’m not counting myself because I’m a self hating one. See that? I threw in another (true) (that was subliminal)stereotype!