The Shoetcase
Courtney had a funny blog posting about high heels being some kind of natural “ass bra”. I thought maybe some enterprising individual has made an actual ass bra for sale. Wouldn’t you like a more youthful, gravity-defying ass? Of course you would. This being America where nobody would dare miss an opportunity to make something worthy of an infomercial, there is an actual ass bra. (Unfortunately this thing is called a “Biniki”. Whoever came up with that needs to be fired. Ass-Bra is way cooler.) Don’t miss the video of someone putting it on and the amazing “before” and “after” pictures.
The ass bra reminded me of one of my product ideas. It’s a pair of men’s shoes that double as a woman’s suitcase. I call it the “shoetcase”.
Ladies, you have a tremendous advantage when it comes to packing. All your clothes and shoes are tiny. All our guy stuff is big, and our shoes are REALLY big. If we have to pack shoes, we’ve lost half our suitcase space. In fact, our shoes are SO big and your stuff is SO tiny, that I bet you could easily fit your stuff in our shoes. So, why not pack your stuff in our shoes and use them as your suitcase? Everybody wins if I produce a pair of shoes that are specially designed to double as a suitcase. We don’t have to pack big bulky shoes and you get an extra carry-on bag.
Keep your eyes peeled for the shoetcase infomercial…it will come on right after the ass-bra.
June 24th, 2005 at 1:27 am
First of all, from the informercial/web site, in my opinion the non-ass bra cheek looks better than the ass bra cheek. I’m not a man, so I would welcome any comments to the contrary, since you’re the ones that count (you ass-worshipping perverts!)
Second, Eli, you obviously haven’t traveled with a woman lately. What is it that could fit in your shoes (and not suffer from the stinkiness, at that?) Yeah, men pack two pairs of shoes, three pairs of pants and 3 shirts and they’re good to go for at least 3 weeks, no matter what the occassion. If only us women had it so easy (and cheap.) If I had time to write a blog, I would enumerate the ways of how much cheaper it is to be a man, who still makes .20 more an hour than a woman in LA (and that’s better than most cities), and the expenses most men don’t even stop to consider,(tampons, make-up, yearly exam, decent clothes, and a clean apartment with actual functional dishes, and occassional flowers to brighten up the place) are all that I will mention right now. Top that with the current trend of men expecting women to split the check even when the man asked them out, and when that is insulting, and the woman, from a sense of pride, pays the whole check, and then the guy, from a well-off family and high-paying job from “your people”, even has the nerve to invite himself inside, even though the unemployed woman, as a result of this date with this geeky guy is down $60, and still has to have nice makeup, cute shoes, and according to your blog, maybe even a butt bra, what the hell is wrong with this female-male relation? Excuse me for the run-on sentence, and I, of course, am only speaking from observation, not experience, because that would just be too pitiful to admit, but I propose, that in a future blog, you deal with this subject, so that then the whole world can know our female plight.
June 24th, 2005 at 9:31 am
Stinkiness is the biggest objection I get to the idea of the shoetcase. The shoetcase would only be viable for metrosexuals that are dilligent about foot grooming. I think there would have to be some kind of liner in there, too.
If two mens shoes could be attached in a way to create one big space, there would be plenty of room for a woman’s underwear, socks, and makeup in there. Women’s bodies are generally smaller than men’s. So their clothes are already smaller than men’s. On top of that, women’s clothes are designed to be more revealing, so a woman’s shirt barely reaches the belly button and the sleeves barely go over the shoulder. Even your underwear is smaller and more revealing than ours (unless we happen to be a weirdo that thinks man-thong underwear is hot).
The goal isn’t really to make a great place for you to pack your stuff. I just want to figure out a way to get you to carry my shoes for me so I don’t have to pack them in my suitcase.
June 28th, 2005 at 12:34 pm
Vera, your post is right-on. I would add to your list of costly atrocities the practice of demanding that women wear nylons if/when they wear skirs that are knee-length or shorter, and the ridiculously costly white garment known as a “wedding gown,” which has no historical relevance other than the presupposition of virginity, which is, even the ass-worshipping perverts agree, yet another outdated and undesirable concept.
June 29th, 2005 at 12:47 am
Thank you, Michele! I’m glad that someone agrees with me. Obviously, Eli, as sensitive as he might like to portray himself to be to us females, did not get my point: Basically a woman needs at least 3 times the clothes weight and volume (and cost), for any multiple-day occassion, simply because she is a woman. Any woman who doesn’t, is a magnificent wonder to behold (or is playing for the other team).
June 29th, 2005 at 10:47 pm
*chuckle* You… Do realize that if your concept of a Shoetcase takes flight, the likelihood that a female will be carrying it might not be that high, right? With all the equality and women’s lib. what makes you think that members of the double-X club are going to want to be seen walking around carrying your shoes for you? Regardless of if the contents are her personal belongings and articles of clothing.
but hey if you want to help a gal out (who wouldn’t mind making use of your Shoetcase concept that is, since I see from comments that some don’t seem too keen on the idea); I’m not going to shoot you down for it.
I find it much more probable that your Shoetcase will just give them a good excuse as to why you should play bellhop — “Hey honey, can you lend me your Shoetcase? I can’t fit everything into my bag. Thank you dear *stuffs as much as it can pack and returns Shoetcase to you* What? You expect Me to walk around in public carrying That? They’re Your shoes.”
You might as well just leave your shoes out of your suitcase and walk around carrying them in hand anyway
June 30th, 2005 at 6:03 pm
I never thought about it Jess, but I think you’re right. I’d probably end up carrying the shoetcase anyway.
In fact, it just seems to be upsetting the smart and sexy women that comment on my blog.
I think I need a future posting illuminating the pros and cons of being male or female. Keep your eyes peeled…
June 30th, 2005 at 11:22 pm
Hehe, now Eli, are you saying that I’m not sexy or that I’m not smart? And are you Always so quick to form an opinion? *grins*
Pros and cons of having a Y or a doubleX, I think it’d be interesting to read what you’ve to say on it but even if the post on that doesn’t show up here anytime soon I think I’ll be keeping tabs on your blog anyway for anything else you might decide to share