the controversial kissing theory
I have a controversial theory about kissing. Read on, oh brave exporer of the blogosphere, and you will be exposed to the crazy firings of my neurons in a way that may change the way you look at happy couples everywhere. Are you ready for the mirror of reality to crack apart in a shower of shiny shards and have the harsh reality of truth thrust before you? Then please, continue…
There’s no such thing as a good kisser. That’s right. You read it here first. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A GOOD KISSER.
Here’s the deal. Kissing is a team sport. That means there is “KISSING CHEMISTRY”. Two people kiss well TOGETHER. One person’s crappy kisser is another person’s great kisser.
So now you want to know how I arrived at this theory. What was the virtual apple that bonked me on the head and made me the Newton of kissing? I tell you, I’ve seen some really scary kissing going down and the couple seemed to be enjoying it tremendously. I couldn’t understand how they could be enjoying that sloppy mess. But there they were, happy as can be. Then it hit me. There are all kinds of things that are a matter of taste. Some people like vanilla, some people like chocolate. Some people like class, others like crass. Why should kissing be any different?
So kiss on, my friends. Kiss on with that certain someone that you have that magical kissing chemistry with.
May 13th, 2005 at 2:52 pm
I really think you’re on dangerous ground here. You see, the fact is that most people do not like someone to kiss them with their mouth too wide open or jamming their tongue down the throat. Or maybe someone who just leaves their mouth open for too long in a sort of stale way…yuck. I guess you might find the rare couple that enjoy this or maybe a couple that even enjoys a good loogey hocking at 5 paces. But I’d say that these are in a minority, and also ‘bad kissers’.
May 13th, 2005 at 6:03 pm
I like the ground where it’s dangerous! I told you this theory was controversial.
Some people are said to have “bad taste”. But how do you decide what is good taste and what is bad taste? Most of America has what I would consider “bad taste”. Since they’re the majority, should they be defining “good taste”? Most folks are happy to watch crappy big hollywood action movies. I think they stink up the joint. You say tomato and I say tom-ah-to. This whole model extends to romance, including kissing. Different strokes for different folks. Good and bad are subjective and relative.
May 25th, 2005 at 11:21 am
I went out a couple of times in High School with this otherwise great guy who was really cute and fun, but he was a BAD KISSER. I challenge anyone who has ever kissed this guy to argue with me on this. Here’s what he used to do: put his fat limp tongue in your mouth and just leave it! That’s right, no movement, just a fat, limp, wet tongue lying motionless on your own. So, just as one tends to do with people who call you and don’t talk, I felt I had to overcompensate by moving my tongue around a lot. I felt like a jackass and grossed-out at the same time.
May 25th, 2005 at 5:35 pm
Wow, that sounds spectacularly bad. It reminds me of this girl in high school who made me kiss her. Horrible. She would robotically spill her tongue into my mouth and then retract it, and then repeat. Should I mention she also had a thing for unicorns and rainbows?
May 29th, 2005 at 4:37 pm
What’s wrong with unicorns and rainbows? Clearly you haven’t visited http://www.stickerbooknyc.com. You’d change your mind about that. Is this a plug? Also, who was that girl in high school?
And to actually comment on the post, I have always thought this! To me this post was not controversial, but just saying something I already knew! Although maybe there are exceptions to the rule because I don’t know how anyone could enjoy the tongue leaver. Unless he found a fellow tongue leaver OR a fascist tonguer who only wanted a tongue it could boss around.
I’m going to go brush my teeth now.
May 30th, 2005 at 10:20 pm
The girl was Kristy and she was from Paly, not Gunn. She hounded me for years with her unicorns and rainbows hovering nearby. Ivan brought me the movie “Play Misty for Me” and renamed it “Play Kristy for Me”.