sideburns of the future
I’m certain I’ve detected a stranded time traveler roaming my neighborhood. How can I tell? Well, there are three clues:
1) He keeps to himself quite a bit. This is almost certainly because he doesn’t want to cause some kind of catastrophic change in the future by accident.
2) He has the sideburns of the future. How do I know they’re the sideburns of the future? Well, let’s look at what’s happened with sideburns over time. They have fluctuated up and down. But has anyone ever made an inverse sideburn? I don’t think so. It’s the only place left for sideburns to go. He trims up into his regular hairline. It looks kind of like he wants you to think he’s wearing a wig, but he’s not.
3) After making sporadic appearances, he has completely disappeared. I think he was rescued by fellow time travelers, or fixed his time travel device. Maybe he fixed it using the sideburn hair he was shaving away.
May 6th, 2005 at 1:53 pm
Great graphic El, but I am sure that I have seen reverse side-burns on the pro-mullet crowd mostly found at carnivals and state fairs. Actually, that might be a good topic to pursue…where do those people go when the carnival isn’t in town or state fair is still months away? Do they just fester in a crystal meth-induced haze until the siren call of the fair awakens them from their slumber, inciting them to trim up the “all business in the front” and feverishly tug at the “all party in the back” to get it just right…not counting whatever they need to do in order to reverse sideburn themselves to perfection…?
May 6th, 2005 at 2:45 pm
John, isn’t it obvious where they go? They go back to the future from whence they came. They have the sideburns of the future. Their mullet is simply an attempt to “blend in” with the unsuspecting populace. My guy must have broken down on the way to some other time period and wasn’t prepared with the appropriate mullet.