the trouble with faux porn
I just re-subscribed to cable after being on a cable protest for a year or so. Some of you will say I was crazy for abandoning cable. Crazy? Or perhaps was it the smartest idea you ever heard!
When they flipped the switch and the cable came on, I was getting everything. I was only supposed to get like 10 channels, but I had something like 700. So, of course I spent hours looking through my newfound wealth of televised content.
Somewhere in the wee hours on Cinemax I discovered something strange. It’s porn that isn’t really porn. It wants you to think it’s porn. But it’s not. I saw completely naked people who were supposed to be humping. But they weren’t doing it right. It was just so wrong the way they were “doing it”, it was really un-sexy. Thus was born my latest controversial theory. We are now misdirecting a generation of youth on how to hump. You know they’re watching this stuff, even though they’re not supposed to. And they think that’s how it’s supposed to be done.
Two or three years from now, watch out. Bad humpers for sure.
April 30th, 2005 at 1:33 pm
I have told you this before, but I think it’s important to reiterate since you have posted it here. Just because you just got Cinemax doesn’t mean Cinemax began broadcasting the day your cable company gave you free cable. If people were going to be bad humpers because of bad semi-porn they would have been bad humpers for years now! Thank goodness only a few people are actually dating or married to directors of faux porn, which is really the problem, and they are the ones having the bad sex. The truth is whoever is lighting and directing these shows are the bad humpers.
I should go outside.
May 1st, 2005 at 10:54 am
Natasha, you have an interesting theory, but I’m pretty sure things simply pop into existence the moment I discover them. Did you exist before I met you? I don’t think so.
May 1st, 2005 at 10:30 pm
As much as I’d like to blame it on bad porn and cable (I don’t subscribe), no, it’s just unfortunate guys with no rhythm. There’s a reason why girls like guys who can dance well. The rest of them do it like it’s a construction job on a tight deadline…Not impressive. So, bad humpers are out there, regardless….